I am a MOM

The question this week is, What to write about?  Sometimes I feel like all of my secrets are already told, that what I have to say is done, my story is complete.  People know who I am and what I stand for.  I have told the world who I am and made my mark.  Others would argue that I'm still young I have many more stories to tell, so much more to give the world and so many more adventures to have.  I might agree.

Last week Simon and I drove down to St. George for a much needed vaca from the rigors of life.  On the way down I was in contact with my college roommate, Molly.  We were planning a lunch date.  Along the drive I started thinking about all the fun adventures Molly and I had.  It was like a picture book in my mind, flashing through all the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly behavior we college kids like to strum up.  A thought came to me that Molly knew me like no one else on this earth.  She knows the care free, non responsible, lie to your employer to skip a day of work kind of Tiffany.  She knows the sneak a boy in your room, stay up all night, party a little, do a little homework and spend all of your hard earned money in Vegas kind off Tiffany.  I thought to myself, I want Molly to speak at my funeral, she really knows me.

During lunch I mentioned this to Molly.  I didn't want to sound morbid, but tried to explain it the best I could.  Molly's reply was, "but I don't know you as a Mom".  There was a long period of time when we lost touch because lets face it, being a Mom is down right hard work.  We don't have much time for friends, let alone yourself.

This got me thinking of all the Tiffany's I've been.  The kid, the college student, the wife, the mom, the employee, the employer, the CFFO (chief Fehoko financial officer), the disciplinary, the crazy, the humble, the repentant, the meek, the forgiving, the obnoxious, the depressed, the caregiver, the loud, the FUN, the adventurous and the list goes on.   With all of these Tiff's running around it's a no wonder why I sometimes feel like I'm lost.

By far my favorite Tiff is Mom.  That's the one "Tiff" that I feel most alive.  I have to admit that sometimes I feel lost in this Tiff.  I find myself floundering at times and at other times I'm just plain drowning.  Somehow I always find my way to the shore.  Usually, I'm standing there by myself and wiping off the tears of failure, but knowing deep down inside I must keep working!  I think I'm pretty darn good at it.  Sure I make mistakes, sure I don't do it like everyone else, but in the end, it's my JOB- and no one else will do it for me.

I've officially been a Mom longer than any other "Tiff"  Most people don't even notice it.  We are all so caught up with our age that we fail to notice the significance. When the clock tips and you have more years of being a mom than any other time in your life, did you even notice?  I have 23 years of MOM.  How many do you have?  Are you keeping track?  I think we all should!

My family has come to that fork in the road.  The road to no return.  The road where the kids start to leave home.  The dynamics have changed, our little family will never be the same.  I feel melancholy.  In a few short years the Mom Tiff will be lost forever.  Don't get me wrong, I will always be a MOM, but this MOM will evolve.  It will take on a whole new dimension.  One with mother-in-law and grandma traits.  I wonder what that MOM will look like?  I have to admit, I'm grieving, but also a little curious and excited. 

I still want Molly to speak at my funeral.  She knows a Tiff that most of your will never know.  But I guarantee the Tiff back in college is still inside of me.  She has made me into the Tiff you see today.  I am here not to compromise my strengths or my abilities.  I am a MOM.  The best JOB in the whole world!

Love is in the air

LOVE is in the AIR~

In preparation for Valentines Day, I thought I would create a list of all the things I love.  Not in any order of course, because when you love something they are all at the top without preference.  The list goes like this:  "I LOVE"
a clean house, a comfy bed, delicious food, Lake Powell, hanging with friends, wake boarding, snowboarding, watching my girls dance, watching my boys play sports, my escalade, tv in bed, reading a good book, learning something new, making a quilt, finding solutions, giggles from my kids, kissing a boo boo better, snuggling my babies, playing board games, playing cards, making a new recipe, baking anything sweet, going on a date, working, the beach, my cabin, fishing with my dad, holding my grandma's hand, joking with my kids, watching my boys arm wrestle their dad, everything about my nephew/Asher,  taking my dog to the ditch, watching V.J. play college football, those corn dogs at the U games, Chai Tea, crab legs in Wendover, St. George with the Giles, Wicked,  LOVE in Vegas, staying with Johnny in Vegas, arts and crafts with the Mason girls, shopping in the Fashion District, sitting with our friends and family during a Bengal football game, shopping on Canal Street, riding the subway in NYC, planning a trip, buying presents,  and of course my family!

I love that Falisha is strong enough to beat out her addiction every day!  I love that she is a hard worker and fights for whats important.  I love the women she is growing into.  I love the way she dances when no one is watching but me.  I love her beauty.  I love to see her smile and giggle.  I love that she can't cook and asks me how to do it.  I love that she is pregnant with my grand baby.  My BFF!

I love that Jaden married a poly.  I love to talk about customs and culture with her. I love that I finally have someone who gets what I've been through! I love that she is so hard headed and strong willed like me.  I love that she is a get the job done right, kinda girl!  I love her determination.  I love her kind heart.  I love the way she sings when no one is listening and I love that she thinks it sounds professional.  Another BFF. I'm so lucky!

I love Simi for his shy, quite demeanor.  I love that he doesn't brag or boast.  I love that he leads FHE with the best stories and quotes ever.  I love that he still hugs his mom and holds the door open for her.  I love that he is a little confused about fashion.  I love when he dances even though he dances like his Grandpa Larry. (no groove whatsoever!)  I love it when he smiles and points at his mom from the football field! I love that he is going to beat his dad in an arm wrestle sooner rather than later. I love how he tries to hack my blog and edit it to say great things about himself like they are coming from me!

I love Jeremy even when he lies to me.  I love his laugh. Its deep and strong.  I love how he tries hard to get me to bend the rules and I love how he keeps his room so disorganized.  I love that he showers everyday at least once, sometimes twice and always looks good.  I love how he can pick out an outfit by himself.  I love the way he tries so hard- even though its just his kind of trying.  I love how confident he is.  I love that he is so outgoing.  I love his dance moves.  I love him and all his quirks because he is just like his dad.

I love Simon because he puts up with me.  I love that he rubs my back almost every night.  I love that he still cuddles me.  I love that he wipes away my tears when I have a bad day.  I love his milk chocolatey good looks.  I love that he went to every dance competition that our girls were ever in and cheered just as loud as the moms.  I love that he coached the boys sports and never gave our boys special treatment.  I love that he works out with the boys and shops for the girls.  I love that he still takes me on dates and vacations.  I love it when he break dances and tries to spin on his back with his windbreaker on.  I love it when he goes to visit his mom.  I love that his arms are to big to put his collar down every morning.  I love that he provides for his family.  I love his kisses. I love that he loves my cooking.

WOW!  This was such a great exercise for me!  I realized that I LOVE a ton of things!  I have so much to be HAPPY about!  This week I encourage you all to write down the things you love the most, you'll find- just like I did, how great your life is!

Laugh at Yourself

Don't you hate those moments in your life that you have no choice but to share with those around you for the sheer fact that they were there?  You know the moments I'm talking about.  Those ones that happened in a moment of weakness, shame, stupidity, or just dumb luck.  As soon as it happens you wish you were alone in a quite room, or that you died on the spot of sheer embarrassment just so you wouldn't have to face them again.  We've all had more than a few of these moments in our lives.  It's times like this that define us.  We either stick our head in the sand and hide or hold our head high and laugh with those around us.

When I was working at the University of Utah division of Continuing Education I shared a "Moment" with a male co-worker.  I was pregnant.  Not just barely pregnant, but going to pop pregnant!  The bathroom was on the main floor, thus, I waddled down stairs past multiple offices to use the bathroom.  I was wearing this paisley brown and cream dress with pregnancy nylons to help with the swelling of my obese butt and thighs.  On the long trek back to my office, I said hello to many people.  I shared my office with 2 other men, one of which his desk was directly behind mine.  At some point during the morning I dropped something under my desk.  I rolled out of my chair and got to all fours with my bum sticking in the direction of my co-worker.  As I retrieved the fallen item and stood up, he politely told me that my dress what tucked up into my nylons.  Red faced I managed a stifled gulp of air, pulled my dress out as my co-worker said with a giggle, "That was not a view I wanted to see!"  UGGH!  I was mortified!  I just wanted to bust out in tears!  I was fat and I knew it, but geez... that comment was horrifying!  I'll never forget it!  I managed to laugh with him, but deep inside I thought I would break.  As I look back at that moment I think I can actually laugh at myself!  I admit it must have been a pretty funny site.  And I can't believe I waddled around the Annex building with my butt hanging out the whole morning!  (the picture is old and blurry but that's the dress and the beginning of the belly!)

Or what about the time I was taking a break in my Grandma Dorothy's office (again in the Annex building of U of U).  I had a double action breast pump to really get the job done fast!  In a rush of business in walked the Dean!  My sweet Grandma made mention that I was pumping so that he turned and made notice of my, location, position and the quite hum of the pump.  All the while milk is squirting into two bottles!  What the HECK was I supposed to do?  Unlatch and cover up?  Another shameful moment frozen in time!  This time I pretended like it didn't bother me one bit.  Just smiled, and kept on to my business.  It seemed like it didn't faze him at all, like it was a normal occurrence to walk in on women pumping during a break.  In his busy life he probably didn't put one more thought into it, while I have been ruminating on it for 20+ years!  The key is to act like it didn't faze you....

Like me, I know there are a few of you that have had bathroom accidents.  Don't worry it happens to the best of us!  (Notice I am leaving names out to protect the innocent)  Maybe its inherited, but in my family I have had a parent stop on the way home from work to use someones bathroom, only to find the door locked, so they resorted to pooping in the backyard rose garden.  I also had a grandparent pee in a tupperware during rush hour morning traffic on the way to work.  I had a family member poop their pants at the top of bell canyon, leaving clothing in the bushes and finishing the hike while washing up in the drinking fountain at the mouth of the hike. *Note to friends- don't drink out of the fountain! Our kids empty the garbage on occasion to exclaim, "who's poopy underware are in the garbage can?"  Another family member was taking a boat ride only to get sick, puke overboard as pee was running down their legs.  They promptly squatted as to not bring too much unnecessary attention to the moment.   And most recently I had a family member say, "I just took a step and out it came? IDK what happend, I'm so confused?"  All of these moments are better shared with  loved ones.  Don't be fooled, we love to laugh with them but there is a fair amount of teasing that goes along with that!  These are moments that everyone treasures.  They will never be forgotten because we share them together.

I think the point of this weeks note is to laugh alongside our friends and family not always at them.  And definitely learn to laugh at yourself!  It will burn those lasting moments in your memory to enjoy over and over again especially when shared with those you love! 

Vacations

Family time is the most important time in the world!  Nothing else matters when you are spending time with those you love.  We especially love going places with our kids.  In the 23 years that we've been married we have been lucky enough to visit places all over the world.  We have enjoyed places like, Florida, Cabo, New York City, Washington D.C., Ohio, DisneyLand, Vegas, San Francisco, Hawaii, Lake Powell St. George and Tonga.  Some of these places are closer to home than others but the outcome is always the same.  SUPER FANTASTIC FUN!

Our many day trips to NYC always promised grand subway stories to tell on our return.  Like the time when we took a total of 10 people and mustered the courage to use the subway with the crew.  Of course we didn't loose a kid but we did loose my dad's wife!  That was a funny story!  Or what about the time when a homeless fellow drug his entire home in a bag onto the subway and shared a pole with Falisha?  He proceeded to do his morning stretches, toe touches and all.  The stench was incredible!  I truly didn't know humans could smell that bad!  Falisha's eyes got as big a saucers and I can't believe she didn't vomit!  The fellow topped off our subway ride with the the little amount of water he had left in his bottle.  I thought he was going to be friendly and wash the windows but I was wrong.  He decided to bathe himself!  Falisha can always say she shared a pole and a shower with a homeless man! (And kept it together!) lol  Jaden feel asleep on a man with turrets.  (Maybe that was foreshadowing her future roommate in college)  The best by far was the toothless lady who gummed her watermelon all the way from Fulton Street to JFK and then used the tissue from her front zipper on her pants to wipe her face when she was done.

By far the one place that has the most memories and the one place we would all vote to go over and over is Lake Powell.   Lake Powell has been a place where we all can play in the sand, wake board, tube, catch critters of all kinds, sunbath, sight see, play games and just laugh all day long!  There is no other place on earth I'd rather be with my family.  This is the place that we have all caught a fish or two, tied a milk jug onto a carp, lost a game or two at cards, danced, ate yummy food, learned to jump a wake, hold onto a tube like our life depended on it, had the wind whipping our face and sun burns for days!  Simon has been caught trying to wake board off the second level of the houseboat, skinny dipping in the dark with his wife and a life jacket, winning at poker, loosing at poker, and jumping out of the boat going 40 MPH with a life jacket and his legs crossed.  Jaden has visited the emergency room for stitches, spent time quarantined in a bedroom for the 24hr flu, learned to wake board and successfully landed onto a tube as the boat passes by going 20 MPH.  Falisha has also landed the tube as the boat passes by at 20 MPH.  Well, if you count landing and gracefully rolling off the tube all in one motion.  Falisha will also play card games in Lake Powell and no where else.   Simi has also been to the emergency room for a ruptured eardrum while in lake Powell.  The Dr. on duty gave him something so strong he honestly thought he could catch fish from the air!  We laughed at the time even though it really wasn't funny.  Simi usually has a snake wrapped around his neck at some point during the trip.  Jeremy is the youngest Fehoko to be on the lake.  He started going when he was just a newborn.  He was trained to not cry or whine, where a life jacket at all times and be a big boy while at Lake Powell.  He is the best surfer in the group and likes to fish a lot while there!  Tiff usually just runs around all day with the camera and smiles! 

Family vacations are a time for the Fehokos to do things together that we normally don't do.  We love spending time with family and friends making memories that last a lifetime.  Our family vacations have defined us, made us stronger and brought us together.

Whether you take you kids to a hotel down the street or a hotel across the country, time spent away from the demands of life can be rewarding and valuable.  They have brought the Fehoko's such joy over the years.  We encourage everyone to spend time away with FAMILY!

Sacrafice for what matters most

As the Christmas season unfolds this year.  Our family has much to be grateful for.  We have been blessed beyond measure.

Early on in our marriage Simon and I decided to sacrifice much of what we were doing to follow Christ and his teachings.  This was much more difficult than we thought.  Why is it so easy to choose the wrong path and seems much more difficult to lead a path of righteousness?  It took us many years and many mistakes to come to where we are today.  Today I will only tell you of the right paths we took rather than all the forks in the road along the way.

First, we chose to teach our children of God the Eternal Father and in his Son, Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost.  This started out small, as in prayers to our Heavenly Father.  We sang songs of Jesus.  We went to church and taught our children of the importance of Baptism and the Gift of the Holy Ghost.  The Holy Ghost has been a comforter to me in times of great need and sorrow.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that it has whispered to my children and tried to lead them down the correct path.  I also know that the Holy Ghost has left us in time of contention or wrong doings and I have asked in fervent prayer for this gift to return to my home or be present in my children's hearts when they needed it the most.  I believe that this gift has protected my children when things could have been so much worse.  I don't doubt its power to protect us.

Second,  Simon and I chose to be Sealed for Time and All Eternity in the house of the Lord.  So many people don't realize what this means.  We made promises/covenants with the Lord to honor each other in every aspect of our lives.  This covenant means so much more when promised to God the Lord of all creation. By doing this the Lord as promised/covenanted with us to bless and protect us and our posterity.  I didn't really understand this until I had a child in great need of a multitude of blessings.  Only then, have I come to realize the power of the promise!  Because of my choices my children will forever be protected and blessed.  I have witnessed small and grand miracles in the face of adversity when it comes to my children.  You'll never understand this promise fully until such grave tragedy befalls your family and you witness the un-denying power of the Lord God reaching out his hand to lift you up. God's tender mercies have touched our lives and made us mighty in times of trial.

Lastly, we Love One Another.  We love as Jesus loves us.  Unconditionally, has been the hardest of all lessons for us.  We love each other in spite of our faults, our mistakes and our misgivings, because this is what Jesus has taught.  We truly love our friends, family, and neighbors.  We try to be kind to strangers.  We take pride in the world around us and the creatures that provide diversity to the earth.  Most importantly, we love Jesus Christ and all that he sacrificed for us.  Because of Christ my redeemer, I will be surround by the people I love through all Eternity.  I believe that when you love Jesus Christ and live his commandments you become a true follower of Christ. 

This year hosts of Angels have fought a war for my family.  I truly believe that the war isn't over- it didn't just begin either- but has been going on for decades.  This was just one of many battles that have been fought on my behalf.  My attitude changed this year when I finally decided that we matter, I matter.  We are all significant in the eyes of the Lord.  Legions of people before us want us to return to God.  It is our job to make and keep sacred covenants while on earth.  I have learned that I need to uphold my end of the bargain and be a leader in my own battles.  So many blessings were there for the taking, but I needed to ask of God.  It has taken me over 20 prideful years to finally get it!  It is soooo much easier to follow the commandments and follow the path of righteousness.  I receive more blessings than I can count.  I have an abundance in my life and my heart is full!  I love the Lord God with all my soul.  My heart is full this Christmas season.  It is a magnitude of gratitude!  My family is Blessed. 

Pet Lovers

Are you a pet lover?

As long as I can remember I have had a pet.  My favorite cat was a stray Siamese kitten that we named Simo.  The neighbor girl brought it home and her parents wouldn't let her keep it.  I gladly brought it to my house and the begging began.  To my surprise I was allowed to keep him.  It was the cuddliest blue-eyed cat ever!  A while later I brought another stray home.  My mom let me keep it temporarily, on condition my dad ok'ed it permanently.  The next morning after sleeping with it I awoke to find little bites all over my body.  I was told it was fleas.  Unfortunately, that cat didn't find a home with us.

My little brother had a thing for all living creatures, mostly reptiles.  I grew up holding, feeding and caring for multiple snakes, lizards, newts, tadpoles, frogs, salamanders, tarantulas, hamsters, and on occasion a baby bird of some kind.  Most of these creatures gave me the creeps.  But I was the big sister and tried hard to keep it cool.  One summer my brother collected black widow spiders in glass mason jars.  I'll never forget how the neighbor boy, Ricky Delray  screamed bloody murder when my brother dropped the glass jar and it shattered by our front door.  My Mom saved the day!  That day the spider found a quick death by foot stomping.

We had many a disastrous events with our pets.  One day we came home to a smoldering slow burning mattress in my brother's room.  The reptile light had inadvertently fell onto the mattress.  Luck we came home before the house was burned down!  My hamster turned out to be a mother to 3 cute little babies.  I adored them so much, I think we can safely safe I loved them to death!  They didn't last but a few days.  Then the mother hamster ate them!  I was scarred for life and never ever had another hamster again! 

While my brother was busy selling  reptiles to all the neighbor boys, I started my first business venture selling worms.  This became lucrative for a young kid.  I was able to buy all the candy I wanted and kept my fishing clientele happy.  My dad and I invented this really cool contraption out of hangers.  I still don't really understand the whole thing, but I do remember staking the grass with my cut hangers and wiring what I think was a extension cord, plugging it in and attaching it to my hangars.  The worms would get electrocuted and come out of the ground like magic!  I hand the biggest juiciest night crawlers in the neighborhood!  I loved those worms!

When I graduated high school I bought my first dog.  It was a cute little sheltie mix named Cajun.  That dog loved me and I loved him.  He drove around with me in my Suzuki Samuari with a bandana around his neck- long before it became cool to carry around your little blitzed out puppy.  Sadly, he was run over after I got married.

Then came the Dalmatian puppy named Dempsey.  That dog was so high strung!  After that dog there was a long dry spell.  We had babies and built a new house and I think we had a fish that ended up down the toilet.

The next dog was Mana the chocolate lab.  Best dog ever!!!  Except for his fetish for eating rocks!  One the second pricey surgery the doc came out with a rock and a racquet ball.  The dog would eat anything!  The third time it happened- sadly, Mana- "the best dog ever" ended up not being the best dog ever and ended up going to heaven.  All the kids cried and I shed a few tears too.

Right before I had my last baby we adopted a 5 year old Great Dane.  Her name was Little Bit, being she was the smallest from the litter.  Weighing in at 150 she was not very little.  She was a show dog and had won many awards before we got her.  Her temperament was mild and loving.  Her favorite thing was to sit on your lap or take naps with the baby boys.  She lived with us for seven years.  For a big dog she lived a long and very loved life.  Simon took her to the vet on her last day.  He called me on the way and said he couldn't do it because Little Bit was looking at him in the mirror.  It devasted us all.  Everyone of us cried big crocodile tears that day!  After this painful event we didn't get another pet for a very long time.

On Jaden's birthday she begged for a dog.  It had been five years since Little Bit.  Simon and I weren't ready for a dog so we bought her a kitten.  We thought Jaden would be tickled to death.  When we surprised her with the kitten she was upset that she didn't get a dog.  Birthday ruined-and cat banned from Jaden- it has forever slept with Simi her brother.  Poor Buddah Bella!

Three years ago we finally replaced our Little Bit with another Great Dane.  Harlo is a beautiful dog and Jaden was finally happy!  In fact the whole family has been fully and completely in love with her.  She loves to eat my banana bread off the counter and running at the ditch.  She is so thrilled when you come home and super happy when she is invited her to jump up on the bed and sleep on Simon's pillow!  hahah  Don't tell Simon- he HATES that!!

Pets have a special place in my heart and I hope that I have taught my kids to love and respect animals too.  They have taught me the pains of loss, the frustration of disappointment, the financial woes of responsibility, care giving and unconditional love.  Great learning lessons in life! 

Football FANS

I have never been one to love football!  In fact, one of the worst fights my husband and I have ever had was over football.

Once we were married we both worked extra hard to survive financially.  Simon worked detailing automobiles and I worked at the UofU as a secretary.  After a long days work I would be so excited to come home to spend time with my new husband and he would be so excited to come home and watch football!

One Saturday I had, had enough!  I went outside our little duplex, found the entry of the cable cord to our house and I cut it in half.  I was thinking that would get him to focus his attention on me for a change.  Well, I got his attention all right.  He freaked out!  Couldn't believe I would be so CRAZY as to cut the cable!  He stomped around, yelled a lot and the next thing I know he was packing his bags.  Yep, he left me for his mom's house that night.  I was devastated!  It took him 3 days to come back and of course by then the cable cord was restored.

During the first 7 years of our married life, Simon watched a lot of sports by himself.  We were lucky enough to have 2 girls first so they occupied my time and I really didn't care about the cable anymore.  Then the 2 boys were born and almost immediately he had football and basketballs in their hands.  It didn't take the boys long to be sitting on the couch watching sports with their dad.

Things changed for me when the boys started playing little league football.  I immediately found interest in something I can truly say- I hated before.  Football became my hobby.  I wanted to know what my boys were doing, why whistles were blowing, what the referees were doing waving their arms around and WHY all these parents were freaking out on the sidelines!   I found this pure joy in watching my little boys play football.  The elation when they ran the ball in for a touchdown or when they tackled someone or sacked the quarterback.  And What about the fear I felt when they were tackled so hard that coaches ran onto the field?  Or the excitement that I got when my boys put on their jerseys at the beginning of the season so I could take their pictures.  I loved the teaching moments I have had when my boys wanted to cry on the field when they made a mistake or worse when they lost a big game.  I was the one who said, "Cry in the car if you have to.  But never ever let the other team or your teammates see you cry!"  Begin team "Mom" was a fun job title- one I even have a trophy in my kitchen window for.

Little league is over.  This year my boys play high school football.  This is a whole new level of intensity for me.  More worry, more excitement and more joy!  Friday, my boys will play in the state championship game at the UofU's Rice Eccels Stadium on the turf!  I want to scream out loud- Can you believe it?  MY boys are playing ball in a college stadium!!!

Ask me if I am nervous?  My answer is, "No WAY!"   I'm not nervous- I am so dang proud!  I am sitting here typing with tears running down my cheeks.  What a monumental event for me as a Momma!  I get the opportunity to sit in the stands and cheer on my boys playing a sport that they love! I'll be the one you can hear yelling COMMMMON FEHOKOS!  I'll also be bundled up in blue and orange- their school colors!  I know their futures will be filled with many events like this, but these are the moments I want to freeze in time!

Don't tell Simon that I really don't love FOOTBALL!  I think, he thinks that he's converted me!  But who am I kidding?  I reaalllllly only CARE when I get to watch my BOYS and my nephew #52 at the U!! Other than that- you'll never catch me rushing to watch a game anywhere else!!