I am a MOM

The question this week is, What to write about?  Sometimes I feel like all of my secrets are already told, that what I have to say is done, my story is complete.  People know who I am and what I stand for.  I have told the world who I am and made my mark.  Others would argue that I'm still young I have many more stories to tell, so much more to give the world and so many more adventures to have.  I might agree.

Last week Simon and I drove down to St. George for a much needed vaca from the rigors of life.  On the way down I was in contact with my college roommate, Molly.  We were planning a lunch date.  Along the drive I started thinking about all the fun adventures Molly and I had.  It was like a picture book in my mind, flashing through all the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly behavior we college kids like to strum up.  A thought came to me that Molly knew me like no one else on this earth.  She knows the care free, non responsible, lie to your employer to skip a day of work kind of Tiffany.  She knows the sneak a boy in your room, stay up all night, party a little, do a little homework and spend all of your hard earned money in Vegas kind off Tiffany.  I thought to myself, I want Molly to speak at my funeral, she really knows me.

During lunch I mentioned this to Molly.  I didn't want to sound morbid, but tried to explain it the best I could.  Molly's reply was, "but I don't know you as a Mom".  There was a long period of time when we lost touch because lets face it, being a Mom is down right hard work.  We don't have much time for friends, let alone yourself.

This got me thinking of all the Tiffany's I've been.  The kid, the college student, the wife, the mom, the employee, the employer, the CFFO (chief Fehoko financial officer), the disciplinary, the crazy, the humble, the repentant, the meek, the forgiving, the obnoxious, the depressed, the caregiver, the loud, the FUN, the adventurous and the list goes on.   With all of these Tiff's running around it's a no wonder why I sometimes feel like I'm lost.

By far my favorite Tiff is Mom.  That's the one "Tiff" that I feel most alive.  I have to admit that sometimes I feel lost in this Tiff.  I find myself floundering at times and at other times I'm just plain drowning.  Somehow I always find my way to the shore.  Usually, I'm standing there by myself and wiping off the tears of failure, but knowing deep down inside I must keep working!  I think I'm pretty darn good at it.  Sure I make mistakes, sure I don't do it like everyone else, but in the end, it's my JOB- and no one else will do it for me.

I've officially been a Mom longer than any other "Tiff"  Most people don't even notice it.  We are all so caught up with our age that we fail to notice the significance. When the clock tips and you have more years of being a mom than any other time in your life, did you even notice?  I have 23 years of MOM.  How many do you have?  Are you keeping track?  I think we all should!

My family has come to that fork in the road.  The road to no return.  The road where the kids start to leave home.  The dynamics have changed, our little family will never be the same.  I feel melancholy.  In a few short years the Mom Tiff will be lost forever.  Don't get me wrong, I will always be a MOM, but this MOM will evolve.  It will take on a whole new dimension.  One with mother-in-law and grandma traits.  I wonder what that MOM will look like?  I have to admit, I'm grieving, but also a little curious and excited. 

I still want Molly to speak at my funeral.  She knows a Tiff that most of your will never know.  But I guarantee the Tiff back in college is still inside of me.  She has made me into the Tiff you see today.  I am here not to compromise my strengths or my abilities.  I am a MOM.  The best JOB in the whole world!

Love is in the air

LOVE is in the AIR~

In preparation for Valentines Day, I thought I would create a list of all the things I love.  Not in any order of course, because when you love something they are all at the top without preference.  The list goes like this:  "I LOVE"
a clean house, a comfy bed, delicious food, Lake Powell, hanging with friends, wake boarding, snowboarding, watching my girls dance, watching my boys play sports, my escalade, tv in bed, reading a good book, learning something new, making a quilt, finding solutions, giggles from my kids, kissing a boo boo better, snuggling my babies, playing board games, playing cards, making a new recipe, baking anything sweet, going on a date, working, the beach, my cabin, fishing with my dad, holding my grandma's hand, joking with my kids, watching my boys arm wrestle their dad, everything about my nephew/Asher,  taking my dog to the ditch, watching V.J. play college football, those corn dogs at the U games, Chai Tea, crab legs in Wendover, St. George with the Giles, Wicked,  LOVE in Vegas, staying with Johnny in Vegas, arts and crafts with the Mason girls, shopping in the Fashion District, sitting with our friends and family during a Bengal football game, shopping on Canal Street, riding the subway in NYC, planning a trip, buying presents,  and of course my family!

I love that Falisha is strong enough to beat out her addiction every day!  I love that she is a hard worker and fights for whats important.  I love the women she is growing into.  I love the way she dances when no one is watching but me.  I love her beauty.  I love to see her smile and giggle.  I love that she can't cook and asks me how to do it.  I love that she is pregnant with my grand baby.  My BFF!

I love that Jaden married a poly.  I love to talk about customs and culture with her. I love that I finally have someone who gets what I've been through! I love that she is so hard headed and strong willed like me.  I love that she is a get the job done right, kinda girl!  I love her determination.  I love her kind heart.  I love the way she sings when no one is listening and I love that she thinks it sounds professional.  Another BFF. I'm so lucky!

I love Simi for his shy, quite demeanor.  I love that he doesn't brag or boast.  I love that he leads FHE with the best stories and quotes ever.  I love that he still hugs his mom and holds the door open for her.  I love that he is a little confused about fashion.  I love when he dances even though he dances like his Grandpa Larry. (no groove whatsoever!)  I love it when he smiles and points at his mom from the football field! I love that he is going to beat his dad in an arm wrestle sooner rather than later. I love how he tries to hack my blog and edit it to say great things about himself like they are coming from me!

I love Jeremy even when he lies to me.  I love his laugh. Its deep and strong.  I love how he tries hard to get me to bend the rules and I love how he keeps his room so disorganized.  I love that he showers everyday at least once, sometimes twice and always looks good.  I love how he can pick out an outfit by himself.  I love the way he tries so hard- even though its just his kind of trying.  I love how confident he is.  I love that he is so outgoing.  I love his dance moves.  I love him and all his quirks because he is just like his dad.

I love Simon because he puts up with me.  I love that he rubs my back almost every night.  I love that he still cuddles me.  I love that he wipes away my tears when I have a bad day.  I love his milk chocolatey good looks.  I love that he went to every dance competition that our girls were ever in and cheered just as loud as the moms.  I love that he coached the boys sports and never gave our boys special treatment.  I love that he works out with the boys and shops for the girls.  I love that he still takes me on dates and vacations.  I love it when he break dances and tries to spin on his back with his windbreaker on.  I love it when he goes to visit his mom.  I love that his arms are to big to put his collar down every morning.  I love that he provides for his family.  I love his kisses. I love that he loves my cooking.

WOW!  This was such a great exercise for me!  I realized that I LOVE a ton of things!  I have so much to be HAPPY about!  This week I encourage you all to write down the things you love the most, you'll find- just like I did, how great your life is!

Laugh at Yourself

Don't you hate those moments in your life that you have no choice but to share with those around you for the sheer fact that they were there?  You know the moments I'm talking about.  Those ones that happened in a moment of weakness, shame, stupidity, or just dumb luck.  As soon as it happens you wish you were alone in a quite room, or that you died on the spot of sheer embarrassment just so you wouldn't have to face them again.  We've all had more than a few of these moments in our lives.  It's times like this that define us.  We either stick our head in the sand and hide or hold our head high and laugh with those around us.

When I was working at the University of Utah division of Continuing Education I shared a "Moment" with a male co-worker.  I was pregnant.  Not just barely pregnant, but going to pop pregnant!  The bathroom was on the main floor, thus, I waddled down stairs past multiple offices to use the bathroom.  I was wearing this paisley brown and cream dress with pregnancy nylons to help with the swelling of my obese butt and thighs.  On the long trek back to my office, I said hello to many people.  I shared my office with 2 other men, one of which his desk was directly behind mine.  At some point during the morning I dropped something under my desk.  I rolled out of my chair and got to all fours with my bum sticking in the direction of my co-worker.  As I retrieved the fallen item and stood up, he politely told me that my dress what tucked up into my nylons.  Red faced I managed a stifled gulp of air, pulled my dress out as my co-worker said with a giggle, "That was not a view I wanted to see!"  UGGH!  I was mortified!  I just wanted to bust out in tears!  I was fat and I knew it, but geez... that comment was horrifying!  I'll never forget it!  I managed to laugh with him, but deep inside I thought I would break.  As I look back at that moment I think I can actually laugh at myself!  I admit it must have been a pretty funny site.  And I can't believe I waddled around the Annex building with my butt hanging out the whole morning!  (the picture is old and blurry but that's the dress and the beginning of the belly!)

Or what about the time I was taking a break in my Grandma Dorothy's office (again in the Annex building of U of U).  I had a double action breast pump to really get the job done fast!  In a rush of business in walked the Dean!  My sweet Grandma made mention that I was pumping so that he turned and made notice of my, location, position and the quite hum of the pump.  All the while milk is squirting into two bottles!  What the HECK was I supposed to do?  Unlatch and cover up?  Another shameful moment frozen in time!  This time I pretended like it didn't bother me one bit.  Just smiled, and kept on to my business.  It seemed like it didn't faze him at all, like it was a normal occurrence to walk in on women pumping during a break.  In his busy life he probably didn't put one more thought into it, while I have been ruminating on it for 20+ years!  The key is to act like it didn't faze you....

Like me, I know there are a few of you that have had bathroom accidents.  Don't worry it happens to the best of us!  (Notice I am leaving names out to protect the innocent)  Maybe its inherited, but in my family I have had a parent stop on the way home from work to use someones bathroom, only to find the door locked, so they resorted to pooping in the backyard rose garden.  I also had a grandparent pee in a tupperware during rush hour morning traffic on the way to work.  I had a family member poop their pants at the top of bell canyon, leaving clothing in the bushes and finishing the hike while washing up in the drinking fountain at the mouth of the hike. *Note to friends- don't drink out of the fountain! Our kids empty the garbage on occasion to exclaim, "who's poopy underware are in the garbage can?"  Another family member was taking a boat ride only to get sick, puke overboard as pee was running down their legs.  They promptly squatted as to not bring too much unnecessary attention to the moment.   And most recently I had a family member say, "I just took a step and out it came? IDK what happend, I'm so confused?"  All of these moments are better shared with  loved ones.  Don't be fooled, we love to laugh with them but there is a fair amount of teasing that goes along with that!  These are moments that everyone treasures.  They will never be forgotten because we share them together.

I think the point of this weeks note is to laugh alongside our friends and family not always at them.  And definitely learn to laugh at yourself!  It will burn those lasting moments in your memory to enjoy over and over again especially when shared with those you love!