I am a MOM

The question this week is, What to write about?  Sometimes I feel like all of my secrets are already told, that what I have to say is done, my story is complete.  People know who I am and what I stand for.  I have told the world who I am and made my mark.  Others would argue that I'm still young I have many more stories to tell, so much more to give the world and so many more adventures to have.  I might agree.

Last week Simon and I drove down to St. George for a much needed vaca from the rigors of life.  On the way down I was in contact with my college roommate, Molly.  We were planning a lunch date.  Along the drive I started thinking about all the fun adventures Molly and I had.  It was like a picture book in my mind, flashing through all the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly behavior we college kids like to strum up.  A thought came to me that Molly knew me like no one else on this earth.  She knows the care free, non responsible, lie to your employer to skip a day of work kind of Tiffany.  She knows the sneak a boy in your room, stay up all night, party a little, do a little homework and spend all of your hard earned money in Vegas kind off Tiffany.  I thought to myself, I want Molly to speak at my funeral, she really knows me.

During lunch I mentioned this to Molly.  I didn't want to sound morbid, but tried to explain it the best I could.  Molly's reply was, "but I don't know you as a Mom".  There was a long period of time when we lost touch because lets face it, being a Mom is down right hard work.  We don't have much time for friends, let alone yourself.

This got me thinking of all the Tiffany's I've been.  The kid, the college student, the wife, the mom, the employee, the employer, the CFFO (chief Fehoko financial officer), the disciplinary, the crazy, the humble, the repentant, the meek, the forgiving, the obnoxious, the depressed, the caregiver, the loud, the FUN, the adventurous and the list goes on.   With all of these Tiff's running around it's a no wonder why I sometimes feel like I'm lost.

By far my favorite Tiff is Mom.  That's the one "Tiff" that I feel most alive.  I have to admit that sometimes I feel lost in this Tiff.  I find myself floundering at times and at other times I'm just plain drowning.  Somehow I always find my way to the shore.  Usually, I'm standing there by myself and wiping off the tears of failure, but knowing deep down inside I must keep working!  I think I'm pretty darn good at it.  Sure I make mistakes, sure I don't do it like everyone else, but in the end, it's my JOB- and no one else will do it for me.

I've officially been a Mom longer than any other "Tiff"  Most people don't even notice it.  We are all so caught up with our age that we fail to notice the significance. When the clock tips and you have more years of being a mom than any other time in your life, did you even notice?  I have 23 years of MOM.  How many do you have?  Are you keeping track?  I think we all should!

My family has come to that fork in the road.  The road to no return.  The road where the kids start to leave home.  The dynamics have changed, our little family will never be the same.  I feel melancholy.  In a few short years the Mom Tiff will be lost forever.  Don't get me wrong, I will always be a MOM, but this MOM will evolve.  It will take on a whole new dimension.  One with mother-in-law and grandma traits.  I wonder what that MOM will look like?  I have to admit, I'm grieving, but also a little curious and excited. 

I still want Molly to speak at my funeral.  She knows a Tiff that most of your will never know.  But I guarantee the Tiff back in college is still inside of me.  She has made me into the Tiff you see today.  I am here not to compromise my strengths or my abilities.  I am a MOM.  The best JOB in the whole world!