What's Most Important

How is it that many of us get so caught up in life that we miss the most important things? 

Many years ago when the kids were small Simon and I struggled to balance our lives.  Employment, financial status, homes, cars, and personal desires often clouded our judgment.  It's so easy to justify the little things in life that seem harmless at the time.  Taking that job that traveled out of state because we could use the extra money, or buy that car that we couldn't really afford, or go to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex, take that much needed vacation with the guys.  I remember a time when we used to say, "You do you and I'll do me." All of these decisions had long standing consequences that affected our entire family.  Some of them worse than others.  We were guilty of young, inexperienced selfishness.  Selfishness for the now, the immediate satisfaction without regards to our future.  I think we may not be the only guilty couple of these mistakes.  I call them mistakes because we ultimately changed our behavior for the better.
 

Simon and I now find satisfaction in being together.  Together as a family.  Together as a whole.  After surviving a few doses of reality, friends and loved ones lost or broken up, heartbreak, and earth shattering despair, we asked each other, "what really matters most?"  The answer was US! 

Our family is morphing into little satellite families, high school kids and grand kids. We needed to find something that brought them back to US.  So this year we decided to invest in an annual vacation that the entire family would stop what they were doing in life to join us no matter what.  Lake Powell was the winner and we were fortunate enough to spend one week without internet, TV or the demands of life. 

The family dynamics were astonishing!  We talked more, loved more, played more, and worked more.  Many times I would look around with tears in my eyes thinking this must be what heaven looks like.  It wasn't just the place (granted it is one of the most beautiful) but it was the company.  Surrounded by everyone we loved- we couldn't be more blessed. 

We are all in different phases in life, but when we do a deep soul searching assesment of ourselves are we really happy with what we are focusing all of our attention on? Are we seeking the immediate satisfaction or are we investing in our future?  Seek after, Invest in, and Create Memories in "What's Most Important"!

Love- Tiff

TIME

I almost forgot what my blog's name was, since it's been so long.  I let life take a hold of me and forgot about the rest.  I have been living in the moment, the here and now.  You know the feeling- when life is so crazy it feels so good! Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to curl up and cry but I don't, I keep going and it is a whirlwind of joy and fascination for all that life has to offer.  That is what time it is for me.

Olivia Jade

How many times in life do we get so busy that life just passes by and then as we look back on it we wish that we could have frozen time.  I often used to think this in the earlier years with my brand new babies.  I was exhausted all the time.  I wished they would just get a little bit bigger so that life wouldn't be so demanding.  Well- wasn't that the stupidest wish ever!  I can hardly believe what I've done!  I've wished myself right out of a JOB!  They no longer need me!  They are practically all grown up and now what? I've gotta get a hobby!

Falisha and Anthony had an adorable baby girl (Olivia Jade) in September and they immediately moved in with us.  The baby diapers, lotions, bottles, toys and blankets took over the house.  This is what consumed my time for 5 months.  It was a whirlwind of joy and fascination in watching and participating in my grand daughter's life.  There certainly was a huge amount of joy in watching my oldest daughter become the mommy.  Words can't even express how proud I am!  They just bought their first home and so, we packed them up and moved them out.  We've been consumed with little projects over at their new house to make it their own.  We've even created a hair salon so Falisha can work form home.  And I must say- it's awesome!

Harris and Jaden

Harris and Jaden are finally graduating from college!  We will officially have a Social Work and Graphic Design Major in the Fehoko family, Well, I guess technically it's the Leafa Family now.  But who's complaining!  College Graduates! CHEEHooo!  It seemed like forever but Jaden has really only been in Hawaii for three years.  We have been trying to get the house ready for our new guests arriving mid April!  WAHOOO!!  I can hardly believe it- she's coming home!  Again, I am caught up in  a whirlwind of joy and fascination at both of their accomplishments!   I'm sure they are frightened and stressed about moving back to Utah and will secretly try to find a way to get back as soon as possible.  But my goal is to get them stuck here.  Great jobs, and maybe a few babies will keep them in Utah!

We've moved the boys out of the basement and upstairs with us!  Wow!  Have I been missing out!  They are loud, rambunctious, stinky, and dang freakin cute! We are spending more time  hanging out after school and before bed since they are upstairs. Yesterday I caught Simon and the boys having a dance battle!  The boys don't like my constant nagging to clean up their messes but the rooms are bigger so the messes seem smaller.  Win for all of us!  Simi is gearing up for his Standford visit the first weekend in April.  During that weekend we plan to visit CAL since that's Jeremy's favorite school!  I get to tag along during the boys trip- Again!  They eat healthier when Mom comes!

TIME at the Fehoko house doesn't stand still for a minute!  One minute they are all here and the next minute there gone and then their back again and then gone again!  I'm just enjoying the ride.  I cry about the day they will all be gone for good.  This day will come sooner rather than later.  It will be when their lives are consumed with joyful fascination for their own little families!  My tears roll down my cheeks as the memories flood my heart and mind.  Hopefully they will tell their children the stories of a time they once lived with Grandma and Pappa and ohhh how much FUN we all had!

Simi Fehoko Recruiting 2014

Game Ball after breaking State Record- 24 Receiving TD's

Recruiting Simi Fehoko 2014

Today a friend asked me if the schools have talked money with us yet?  I thought this was odd but realized how most people don't have the slightest clue as to whats going on with the college football recruiting involving Simi.  So I thought today I would brag a bit (since that's what moms do) as well as educate you a bit.

NCAA rules for Division 1 Football state that Juniors may receive general correspondence through the mail starting September 1st. Coaches can reach out to him through Social Media (Twitter) and can speak directly to Simi by phone and text only if Simi calls them.  So they often ask him to call. Simi is also allowed one phone call from the coaches between April 15th and May 31st. Simi is allowed to make as many unofficial visits to the schools of interest that he desires.  While he visits these schools coaches may speak directly to him and make verbal offers.  All offers are for full ride scholarships.  This includes tuition, books, housing, food, stipend for clothing and misc. and a tutor.  Some schools stipend is more than other schools.  I don't know why that is. The schools usually have a recruiting room where they feed the boys and their families delicious food.  They charge a nominal fee and make sure you sign a form (so they don't get in trouble)  They also give each recruit 3 tickets to watch the game and most often 3 sideline tickets for the pre-game.  Football is a fun hobby but this is where it becomes a job for Simi.

V.J. Fehoko with Simi

From the first interview Simi ever did almost 9 months ago I can't say we were completely ready for all this madness but I can say we were prepared.  We definitely had a bag of tools that we were ready to use.  Simi's cousin V.J. Fehoko who played for the Utes then transferred his senior year to Texas Tech warned us about the onslaught of recruiting very early on.  While he was living in Utah he was a mentor to Simi and Jeremy and always reminded them of what was most important. (Grades)  We are very close with V.J. and he paved a pathway for our boys to follow.  It started with a customized workout tailored just for them.  Then a healthy meal plan to follow.  This included harmful substances to avoid, and the protein that was healthy.  He also helped with homework and kept reminding them that grades mattered.  He made a stretching workout and included sleep as a very vital role in their development.  He was a staple in our home.  His visits always included a tub of protein for the week, a workout in the yard, Ute gear to sport around, mock interviews and a lot of laughter and love! Most importantly V.J. taught our boys that their body is their greatest asset and they must take care of it.  Playing college ball is hard work.  He always told them it will become their JOB.

Simi is no where close to making up his mind when it comes to which school is right for him.  He continues to get mail from top ranking school from all over.  If I look through his box I would have to guess that most of these schools spend hundreds of dollars per recruit in just postage alone.  Some schools know Simi and his family members by name.  Some watch his games and highlights relentlessly because they mail him about specific plays during the game that week.  Some reach out by social media daily some not so often.  During all of this, Recruiting Scouts for these top school will call to interview Simi at least monthly if not more often.  These articles are posted all over the internet.  Some are posted on websites that are free to the public and some are private membership websites.  Simi is also frequently interviewed by the media after games.  We laugh at some of Simi's interviews, but once they come out we always do homework on what he can improve.  And trust me, this kid practices everything even his interviews.  He is getting better and will someday turn out the best interview ever!

Sideline at UCLA

This week was super fun to visit UCLA at the Rose Bowl.  You won't believe were all 92,000 people park?  The surrounding golf course is the parking lot.  Yes- the Fehoko's lost their car while there! They even gave us a map of the parking lot (I mean golf course) but it was like a rolling green maze of cars!  The hi- light was that UCLA had recruiting tickets for Jeremy too!  We all felt important while visiting!  I can say they took care of us!  Simi was able to talk with Coach Pritchard from Stanford while we were there.  It really was super fun.  The atmosphere and fans were definitely fired up.

Sideline at USC

The next day was USC.  The campus was packed full of students and fans.  We even joined the crowds in the bookstore for Thanksgiving shopping.  What really took my breath away was the Coliseum.  The pregame had a live DJ on the field, games and fun.  The Trojan came in riding a white horse and almost trampled Jeremy since he wasn't paying attention, just taking it all in.  The fans we were surrounded by were very boisterous and should really be put on the staff for USC.  They definitely tried to SELL us on USC.  One guy told Simi in a not so quite whisper, "We could really use a White Receiver!"  Simi though, "Too bad I'm not white!" And his friend told Simi super loud, "USC has everything you could want! Palm Trees and Porn Stars!"  That's when the polite African American family behind us pitched in to say, "Or CHURCH, We have CHURCH if that's what you want!"  I quickly reminded the fun loving guys next to us that I was Simi and Jeremy's MOM!  We all laughed together!  Osa Masina (one of Utah's top recruits also a BHS senior) was taking his official visit while we were there.  While my boys were standing on the sideline next to Osa, all the coaches came up to hug and greet Osa.  They then moved down the line to hug and greet Simi and Jeremy.  You could tell they all knew Osa by face but had to read Simi's name tag and then the lights came on.  Jeremy leaned over to whisper to Simi, "So how does this make you feel standing next to Osa?"  Simi replied with, "like a nobody."  Jeremy said, "Now just imagine what I feel like!"  Together they laughed out loud!

Starting September 1st of his Senior year he will be eligible to receive telephone calls from coaches once per week, take 5 official visits to the schools of his choosing which will be paid for by the college.  In home visit will start the first Sunday in December. Division 1 official signing day is typically the first week in February.  Simi has taken unofficial visits to Stanford, BYU, Utah, Utah State, UCLA, and USC.  Simi won't be making any decisions too soon.  He still has some schools to visit.  He would still like to visit Washington, Oregon, and ASU and maybe a few others.  To be honest the list changes daily!  This is an exciting time in Simi's life.  Our family consists of two older sisters both married and then Simi and Jeremy.  Simi also has many cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents and great grandparents and we all have a lot to say to Simi about where he goes and you can imagine that just makes his decision that much harder!

Simi Fehoko Huddle Junior Season

Simi Fehoko #1 WR FS Junior Season

http://www.hudl.com/athlete/2859864/highlights/207926393#

Feelings

I started this blog to keep in touch with family and friends with the happenings of our busy family.  Then I found it was therapeutic to write about some of the harder moments that life throws out.  Then I started writing for my kids.  Thinking that diaries are so 1970.  This is a great way to write down life's moments that I wanted to last for all time.  Lately, I want to vent.  For the sake of hurting others feelings I wouldn't ever do that.  But don't you have moments, days, weeks or even months where you just want to scream at people and tell them how you really feel!

Well this is one of those months.  I know the cliche' that you should never hold things in.  But what good will it really do to tell them? No matter how much people ask, the answer will always be "I'm fine" even when I'm not.  I often wonder, would I really be able to find the words to express how I'm truly feeling, "enough to make them understand?"  Because really what I want to do is convenience them I'm right.  Someone once told me, "When your angry, disappointed and frustrated at someone, do you think they really care? The only person who really cares is you."  I think about this a lot. I've learned the only person who controls how I feel is Me!  If I'm mad that no one emptied the garbage today and I'm yelling at the boys about the fact that they continued to walk by it a hundred times.  Do they care that the garbage needed to be emptied?  If I'm honest with myself the answer is, Not really.  I'm the one that it bothers.  So what do I do, I empty it.

When I was a young mom I remember feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and exhausted.  I wanted to be recognized for my labors.  Did it always come in the form of adoration I wanted?  Not really.  There have been dark moments in my life (when caring for my mom) that I turned to anti depressants.  I really can't say if they helped or not, it was such a sink hole that I felt would never end.   But I learned to voice my needs and those around me came to my rescue.  Lucky I have 4 kids to help with the rescue!   I know I must be spoiled because my cute family always picks up the slack.  If I'm sad, I'm loved.  If I'm lonely, I have company.  If I'm frustrated, they jump in to fix it.   And no matter what, I pray.  I usually pray for strength and guidance.  But lately I've felt a great need to pray for those who I have anger towards.  I'll get back to you if this helps, haven't got a big WOW yet...  But some things aren't that easily fixed.   If I'm depressed, I turn to myself and figure it out. Geez!  What powerful words...I have to figure it out myself!  True, sometimes I just don't want to figure it out myself.  I want to be loved, pampered, babied.  But when it is true, deep and hurtful I must turn to myself.  It wasn't until that brave person told me, "...do you think they really care?"  that I finally got it. I am my own keeper.  I MUST figure it out for myself!

I am powerful beyond measure because of my family.  But I am STRONG because of me!  I am the only person who controls my happiness.  I get to choose everyday how my life will play out.  I get to choose how I interact with people around me.  I choose who I tell my secrets to and what secrets I keep locked inside.

This weeks blog is again therapeutic, I feel like I just told the world how I really feel.  And today I don't feel  particularly happy with everyone.  But today I am figuring it out!

Laugh a Little

When was the last time you really laughed?  Not just a giggle or a little laugh from a good joke but gut wrenching, pee your pants laugh...

At 44 years old it seems like these types of laughs are hard to come by.  It's not that I'm sad or anything, its just that nothing really makes me laugh uncontrollably anymore.  Maybe its because of fear that I don't laugh like this anymore.  To be completely honest  I'm worried that I will wet my pants! Or maybe it's old age, am I too mature for a good loud outrageous laugh?

I've been putting a lot of though into the laughing business.  When I was a teenager I laughed till my belly ached almost all the time.  I mean seriously, everything was funny back then!  When I was in my twenties I'm pretty sure I laughed like this- well at least I think so?  In my thirties I'm certain that I laughed like this at least a few times...  But i just can't remember it!  I feel like if it was that funny I would definitely remember it!  I should be able to recall an episode like this with great detail, especially if it was so funny that I couldn't contain myself.

What is wrong with me people?  Should I blame it on memory loss, early onset Alzheimer's, maturity, WHAT?  My Grandma who is a dear old 83 say's she has the disease CRS (can't remember shit).  Is this syndrome hereditary?  I really should be able to remember these precious moments!  Where have they gone?

I now know why so many people encourage keeping a journal.  It would have been so easy for me to look back and recall a joyful, pants wetting memory if I had just written a few of them down!  UGGH!  I'm so frustrated and disappointed with myself!

So here is one for the books... Yesterday I was giving my pregnant daughter a deep gorgeous spray tan in my master shower.  I know, your wondering why my half poly kid needs a spray tan- right?  Well doesn't that just get you giggling already?  She's standing there naked while I'm spraying away and just when you think the spray is the perfect mist it starts sending out splotches of dark, really dark brown everywhere to give her a deep golden speckled look.  It's was looking kinda cheetah like.  hahah  She's clearly upset but I get to laughing at her!  My giggles start to roll into laughs and the next thing you know tears are filling my eyes, she's now laughing probably at the site of me, tears start to roll down my cheeks and my pants become soaked!   The laughing becomes uncontrollable and I 'm on my knees trying to suck in some air.   She is laughing too.  Probably not as much as I am-lets face it I was laughing at her.  But she was laughing none the less.  She was probably hurting because shes pregnant and laughing way to hard in her condition.  Plus it probably wasn't as funny to her, or maybe it was, I'm sure I looked a mess sitting there on the rug with wet pants trying to breath.  In the end, the speckled spray tan didn't look so bad  it all kinda blended in.  But the bottom of her feet are black because I kept having her move around so I could get the best spraying angles.  Clearly I'm an amateur when it comes to spray tans.  LOL  But this is one of those joyful memories I want to freeze in time.  Mother and Daughter laughing uncontrollably at each other.  I hope I get a few more of these before I die.  It was the best 5 or so minutes ever!

Laugh my friends!

Happy Anniversary

It seems like August is the time of year for weddings and anniversaries.  August 4th marks my 24th wedding anniversary.  It seems like yesterday that our friends and family celebrated our special day. Funny thing is it wasn't the dream wedding that everyone thought it was.

The drama began months before our special day.  Simon and I were just finishing up our last semester at Dixie College and heading home.  Once we were home Simon and I found out I was pregnant.  My parents were invited to Simon's home for a dinner of Polynesian food.  His parents were gracious and hospitable. The wedding plans were started that night and the decision was made to serve Polynesian food at the reception.  Simon's parents were in charge of it all.  Decorations, food, MC, band etc...

My husband and I had asked my bishop to marry us.  He accepted and put the date on his calendar.  I was really excited about this for many reasons.  He spoke English, and it was really the only thing I felt truly in charge of.  He explained to me what he would be saying and interviewed me about our courtship. I knew he would do a good job!  We had three months of planning and preparation ahead of us.   The bishop of my husbands Tongan ward requested a meeting with the two of us since we were getting married in his building.  Now, I full expected this meeting to go great.  Everyone thus far was super supportive of our upcoming wedding.

I remember being asked to enter his office and the battery of questions began.  He asked why we were waiting for 3 months to get married.  I tried to explain that it would take that much time to prepare for a wedding of this magnitude.  I couldn't believe my ears when this bishop told us to hurry up and get married that week.  For those of you who know me, I speak whats on my mind.  I interrupted and said we didn't have a place to live.  He snapped right back at me with the response, "You can live under a tree in the park!" I was so taken back..  He clearly didn't realize I was a white born and breed, spoiled American and there was no way I would be living in a park!  I was totally dumbfounded and deeply offended.  This whole time Simon just sat there looking at his hands and never uttering a word.  It was years later that I understood the Polynesian cultural of "Respecting your Elders and those in Authority".  I left this meeting in tears and Simon was trying to console me by saying, everything will be ok.  I was mad that Simon didn't stick up for us. A few days later Simon informed me that his bishop would not allow my bishop to preside over the wedding since it was "HIS" building.  When I found out I sat in my walk in closet and cried for hours by myself.  I still think this was rather pompous!  I'm still salty after 24 years.

My dad paid for our wedding.  He never questioned the amount Simon's parents asked for and just kept writing checks.  I love my dad for this!  The only thing I remember my parents fighting over was the amount of money my mother spent on her own dress.  My dad had good reason for this, her dress cost more than my wedding dress.

The night before our wedding Simon brought over blankets and mats with his parents, in the traditional Tongan style.  They were beautiful!  Simon also brought his belongings to my parents home.  It was a small green ratty carry-on suitcase.  That was everything he owned.  I asked him if he wanted to stay and hang out, he said he had a lot of cooking to do with the fam.

The next morning my little brother had an early soccer game.  My dad came home laughing and told me that one of the boys on the team went to a bachelor party the night before.  The party was for some guy named Simon.  Was this just a coincidence?  I think not!  I called Simon hurt and crying that he lied to me about the night before.  I honestly can't even remember his lame excuse!  But believe me it was lame!  I told Simon he would be waiting a long time because I was NOT coming to the wedding!

My Aunt Aneta was in town for my wedding and she was the only person in my home at the time really centered in love and Christ.  She asked to pray with me that morning.  I am so grateful she did this because I really needed it!  It definitely calmed me down a bit, but again, I was pregnant and I was close to loosing my cool!

I was trying to stand my ground and "Show Him".  Maybe show Simon or his bishop or whoever else got in my way.  Ultimately my dad forced me to get in the car.  We were fashionably late.  Simon said he was really worried.  Good!  I hope he was!!

The whole reception was Polynesian.  I wore the traditional dress like I was told, I ate the cake that was made by Simon's Aunty in California.  We had a table full of cakes.  This needs mentioning because it was fruit cake and hard as a rock as it traveled for days to make it to the wedding.  I smiled graciously and tried my best to swallow it.  When I was dancing on the stage I was told to stop dancing because of my condition.

What topped the night off was; I left my purse with my wedding dress in the bathroom when I changed into the Tongan traditional clothing.  When I changed out of it to the dress I was leaving in I cleaned up everything got in my purse and my only $20 bucks was stolen!  Who steals from the BRIDE and leaves her broke on her wedding day?  We did make some money with all the "fakapale" going on.  So I think they stole the money out of my purse to give it back to me while I was dancing!  uggh! Annoying!

I'm sure glad our wedding wasn't a foreshadowing of things to come or we would have never made it! Some things have never changed.  Simon is still quietly respectful of his elders and authority.  When he lies he still has Lame excuses and I still never remember them.  When I'm super upset I still cry in my walk-in closet but Simon always come in and pulls me out and he still says, "everything will be ok!"  The thing is- now He always stays to hang out and everything always turns out to be ok!