Sending off a Missionary

March 8, 2016 The Opening

So many people have told me all about it.  Moms and Dads alike have said how hard it is.  I listened to siblings talk about it.  Some of my closest friends have gathered around me to say, "prepare yourself!"  I listened but didn't really understand.  I watched but never got tearful.  I imagined that it would be the best day of my life.  Then it happened, on March 7, 2016 Simi opened the mailbox and the letter had arrived telling him where he would be serving.  Korea Seoul South is where he would be for the next 2 years.  We are not amateurs to attention and stress surrounding Simi.  In fact, for over a year now we have had our share of strangers, reporters, events, awards and attention surrounding this kid.  As his senior year came to a close our family huddled together to buoy each other up as we prepared to send Simi off on his new adventure.  We pretty much closed the rest of the world off.  Activities and trips kept our mind off the inevitable.  As the days got closer to his departure this new adventure started to feel like a funeral.  I can't speak for the siblings but I can tell you it was a hard thing to watch and participate in.  Sisters were getting increasingly protective.  Watching his every move. Having an opinion on everything he did or said.   The younger brother was a trooper.  Whenever we would ask Simi how he was doing, Jer always answered for him.  "Geez, how do you think he's feeling? He's leaving his family for 2 years!" Late nights were spent laughing and bonding.  The joking and picking on the younger brother never stopped.  Jer acted so casual about him leaving up until the day he left.  Dad was pretty emotional.  He broke out in a rash from stress. Late at night we would lay in bed and share our silent tears. Simon asked me once if I thought Simi knew how to shave?  I said not to worry because we bought him a battery operated shaver.  At work people would ask Simon how he was holding up.  He told me he wished people would quit asking him that question because it would make him choke back the tears.  People told him that it would be the toughest on the mom and he would need to be there and be strong for the family.  I can't imagine the weight of this responsibility when all you want to do is freak out!  For mom it started to feel like I was dropping my little boy off one day and expecting him to be a man overnight.  I questioned my teaching, my mentoring and my ability to educate him in all that he needed to learn.  Did I remind him enough to brush and floss his teeth and wear deodorant every day? Did I impress upon him the proper food groups to stay healthy? Can he medicate himself when sick and will he remember not to wash colors with his whites?  These things are important!  I honestly thought, "he's not ready!" I was crying and weepy all the time!  And just imagine, this was months before he was actually leaving!  It wasn't until the night before he left that I knew the answer to all my doubts and fears.  I was not ready!  WE ALL weren't READY!  The week before he left we took a family trip to Lake Powell.  He was surrounded by the people he loved the most.  Insomnia kicked in for Simi before we left.  Fretful nights of no sleep, stress and fear.  This was Simi's way of coping with the change. By the time we got home Simi had 6 days left.  He broke down.  So frightened yet completely determined to serve the Lord no matter what it took.  I'm a planner and organizer.  We had everything on the packing list, immunizations completed, bank accounts set up, credit cards for emergencies, cameras and voice recorders, medications for colds, diarrhea, aches and pains, passports arrived and visas applied for.  Costco and Amazon were my lifesavers!  Everything was complete and just waiting to pack.  Packing day came and went. Uneventful and unemotional.  By now things were very somber.  I wanted to pack up things that he would eventually want to take to college in 2 years.  This never happened, no one, including Simi could muster up the courage to face the fact that he would never be coming home.  So the dreaded day came.  Our little family headed to Provo, Utah. We stopped at the temple and took pictures on the grass.  This is where we said our goodbyes.  It was a tearful moment engraved in our minds and hearts.  Lots of hugs, smiles and tears.  This day was the hardest on his brother Jeremy.  That last brotherly hug is one I will never forget. Emotions were raw.  He got dropped off and never looked back. So strong!  Wish we all had his strength that day. His little niece will remember her Uncle Simi as she adores him, his football and his basketball games! 
His little nephew is too young to remember him.  He'll get to know Simi through pictures and stories that we tell him.  Simi will miss his brothers senior year of football.  His younger brother Jeremy is planning on leaving to serve the Lord next year.  This means the boys won't have a reunion for 3 years. Our family will never be the same.  Simi won't be home for holidays, family reunions, milestones in our lives.  He will only be contacting through email once a week, hand written letters in the mail and 2 phone calls per year!  Christmas and Mother's Day will be huge events in our home!  Don't ask to come over, we're stingy and we won't be sharing these brief moments in time. Sorry-not Sorry!  If your a Missionary Mom you understand these feelings, if your not, just try and understand.  It's not you, it's me, don't take it personal. Everyday I walked past Simi's room I cried.  Packing up his room was on the to do list.  I procrastinated but in the end it brought closure to this phase of life. We cleaned his room out and packed away things for college that will probably be outdated in 2 years, his memorabilia, awards and Army All American helmet. When Jeremy came home he was upset.  He thought his room would be left as a shrine.  It was difficult to watch the silent agony his brother felt. 

He's getting the hang of the razor!

Simi will be at the Provo MTC for 9 weeks learning the Korean language.  He has 2 weeks down.  He reports that the food is great (he's gaining weight), his companions (he has 2) are great and his Korean is coming along!  He asks for treats, letters from home, and spare change for the vending machines.  He takes pictures almost everyday that he sends home.  These are always comforting and make all our hearts happy to see his smiling face!  On August 16th he will be off to Korea. That day he is allowed to call home while waiting for his flight.  Can't wait!

When Simi returns in 2 years he will immediately report to Stanford.  This is a day we will be celebrating!  We won't worry about whether he is eating healthy, washing colors with his whites or if he's shaving properly.  He will surely know how to do all these things and much much more.  I also expect that he will be checking on his mom and pops at the very minimum a few times a week! We'll also be able to visit!  He can come home for holidays, big events and even just for fun.  Not to mention we get to visit him.  Can't wait for those Stanford football games! This has been an event that I can't completely convey with words.  This was more of a feeling, an emotion, a loss.  Our little family all felt it deep in our souls.  We shared quite moments of grief, lots of moments of togetherness and most of all a deep sense of Forever Families.  We are so blessed that we are all sharing this time together in the same home.  We are already receiving blessings that can't be ignored!  We look forward to watching Simi grow, serve and bless those around him. We are the FEHOKO's!  Proud, Strong and Together!  #FOE